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Still, staying in a dysfunctional, unhappy couple longer than necessary can be even worse than ripping the band-aid off and just calling it quits.

And watching someone be in denial about the state of a romance that’s clearly been dead or dying for awhile is a special kind of agony.

I remember one of the clear signs when I was at the end of my relationship was not being able to sleep well together at night—losing that ease that comes so naturally when you’re truly comfortable with each other.” –Jen, 25, Los Angeles “When I started feeling like my boyfriend of four years and I were no longer on the same team, I knew it was really time to get out.

Instead of taking each other’s sides during disagreements with family members or rooting for each other when one of us was stressed out or struggling with something, it felt like we were each very much alone.

The inability to focus on the present relationship and to move on from the past was definitely a sign for me that it was time to end it with my ex.” –Anna, 28, Washington, D. “Every serious relationship I’ve been in has invariably come to an end because the other person was clearly serious while I was wondering if I could do better—no one wants to say it, but that’s usually the truth, isn’t it?

This is going to sound mean, but I would come to the conclusion that the things I admired about the person weren’t enough to outweigh my perception of their shortcomings and eccentricities.

A healthy union needs two people who both carry their weight and invest equally in the partnership. Time has revealed a mismatch in your values and beliefs.Months later, he would offer to ‘give up everything he had worked so hard for’ to live in New York with me.I declined.” –Kate, 29, New York City “When the relationship is unbalanced in that it’s either all about him or all about you, that’s a lose-lose situation.Be realistic about whether your respective lives and desires are pointing you in the same direction, or whether impossible compromises lie ahead. You don’t share the same level of motivation and ambition.Whether these include career advancement, further education, or personal development, each partner should have clearly defined objectives and a plan to attain them. You’ve noticed incidents of dishonesty and deception.




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