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Wolfe thinks some of the harassment comes from men who are afraid of being rejected.“When men are on these platforms—generally speaking, not everybody—there’s this sense of ‘I have to make the first move, I have to go hunting,’” she says. It also opens up a stream of bad behavior because if the woman doesn’t respond, it’s taken as rejection.

So when the woman is making the first move, he’s complimented, he feels flattered.” Hopefully, if the interaction goes according to Wolfe’s hopeful script, the woman’s fear of getting unwanted harassing messages from randos and the man’s fear of being rejected are both erased.

Skepticism and fear are typical reactions to technology that changes how people connect.

My colleague Derek Thompson, who interviewed Wolfe at the Washington Ideas Forum, brought up a 1909 song by Irving Berlin, warning women against dating men who own cars.

, when young people started “going out” instead of having gentlemen callers visit women in their family homes, their elders were horrified.

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But when an article popped up on my Facebook newsfeed that was called “The 12 Reasons You’re Afraid to Get Into A Relationship (And Why You Should Just Chill)”, I clicked through.Add technology to the mix and you get fear of change, doubled.When people began forming connections online, romantic or otherwise, the anonymity the internet allowed was terrifying.More generally, Wolfe thinks dating apps can, contrary to the old stereotype, make people’s searches for love desperate.When the opportunity to meet new people is always available, there’s less need to scan every bar and party for prospects, panning for gold in a river of bros.“I don’t want, as a young woman, to be pressured to go out every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to try to find something,” Wolfe says.




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